[00:00:00] Adam Walker: From Susan G Komen, this is Real Pink, A podcast exploring real stories, struggles, and triumphs related to breast cancer. We’re taking the conversation from the doctor’s office to your living room.
[00:00:17] No one should face breast cancer alone. Luckily, childhood friends, Caryn Siegel Finley, and Tammy Leyden didn’t have to. The two grew up together on Staten Island and have been best friends since they were seven years old. When they were both diagnosed with breast cancer in their early forties, just one year apart,
[00:00:35] they were able to support each other through the process. Caryn and Tammy are here today to share their stories with us and how they’re committed to supporting those affected with breast cancer. Ladies, welcome to the show.
[00:00:47] Tammy Leyden: Hi, Adam. Thank you so much for having us.
[00:00:49] Caryn Siegel Finley: Thanks, Adam.
[00:00:50] Adam Walker: It’s so nice to meet both of you.
[00:00:53] I, we got good energy here in the digital recording space and and I can already kind of feel the friendship there, so I’m excited to explore that. Let’s talk about that first. So you’re lifelong friends, right? And have you always sort of been best friends?
[00:01:09] Tammy Leyden: So, Caryn and I actually grew up around the corner from each other, and we met in the second grade.
[00:01:16] We were in school together all the way through 12th grade. Our parents became friends, our sisters became friends. And I really think we truly are friends that became family. And just from a very young age, we had this very strong connection with each other.
[00:01:37] Caryn Siegel Finley: Life took us in different directions.
[00:01:39] We went to different colleges. Our parents remained in Staten Island. And our sisters remained friends. But no matter how much time had passed, you know, we would just be able to pick up the phone, talk, laugh, remember, vent, whatever it was, you know, it’s like no time had passed. It didn’t matter how long had gone by, but we were always…
[00:02:04] I would call us the best of friends that became family.
[00:02:08] Tammy Leyden: And always just a phone call away, no matter how busy our lives became. We just always knew we were that phone call away.
[00:02:15] Adam Walker: I love that. Well, so there’s so much value in, in the depth of that kind of relationship. I just yesterday had my friend, my best friend from third grade over at my house all afternoon and we’re just hanging out watching football and it’s just..
[00:02:27] Tammy Leyden: It’s amazing, right?
[00:02:28] And maybe someone that you don’t see all the time, but just knowing that they’re always there is very special.
[00:02:33] Caryn Siegel Finley: And we went through so many things together before breast cancer. You know, it’s just like a bond that just, it’s, it never disappears, it’s always there. We had best friends sweatshirts in fourth and fifth grade.
[00:02:48] We did. We did cheerleading together. We did science projects together, we carpo together.
[00:02:56] Tammy Leyden: Plays.
[00:02:57] Caryn Siegel Finley: Plays, dances, talent shows like. Literally we’re family. Yeah.
[00:03:04] Adam Walker: So, so since you mentioned the matching sweatshirts for those that are listening and can’t see you I should also mention before we go to the next question, you’re wearing matching shirts today.
[00:03:12] We’re, what do they say and why are you wearing them?
[00:03:15] Caryn Siegel Finley: Says @breastiefriendsforever. Play on the whole BFF thing because that’s where our friendship originated. But we created Breastie friends forever. This past February and it’s our online platform to share our own stories and about breast cancer and hopefully help others that are affected by it.
[00:03:38] We just, you know, want to be honest and true to ourselves and hopefully that can help others.
[00:03:46] Tammy Leyden: And add advocate. Really advocate for the breast cancer community.
[00:03:49] Adam Walker: That’s right. That’s right. That’s the way. All right, so you’ve been you’ve been best friends forever. You, and then you suddenly sort of got breast cancer at very similar times, like one year apart.
[00:04:01] So Caryn, let’s start with you. Tell us your story, your diagnosis, like what was that like for you?
[00:04:06] Caryn Siegel Finley: So my mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013. She survived, she’s a survivor. But that enabled my sister and I to be eligible for mammograms earlier than the recommended age of 40 because of our mother’s diagnosis.
[00:04:25] So I started my mammograms at age 38, right after my mom’s diagnosis. And on my fourth or fifth mammogram, it was 2017 and I was 43. They found something on the mammogram. I didn’t feel anything. I was shocked by it. I was surprised. I’m not really sure why I was surprised because so many women are diagnosed and I had just gone through it with my mom, but I was shocked, scared.
[00:04:55] I found my doctors in New York City, got my team assembled and I ended up with a bilateral mastectomy and I had my surgery in July of 2017. I had my final exchange surgery in November, and all in all diagnosis in May to final surgery in November. I had six months of anxiety and fear and not knowing, and surgeries and recovery.
[00:05:30] But it was really six months and from start to finish of that chapter of this, I didn’t need any other treatment. I didn’t need any medications. I was really lucky, and I know it is because it was caught so early.
[00:05:52] Adam Walker: Yeah, that’s so important. Now. Now, Tammy tell us your story a year later. What happened?
[00:05:57] Tammy Leyden: A year later,
[00:05:58] so our stories are similar, yet different. My mom actually passed away from breast cancer when she was only 49 years old. So she was very young. And I was only 23 at the time and it absolutely wrecked our family. What it did for me was it made me aware and realize that I needed to start breast cancer surveillance at a very early age, and that’s exactly what I did.
[00:06:24] So in my twenties I started the screening process for breast cancer, which is not typical but due to my family history and the circumstances, it was very necessary. So I did that for years and then when I was 45 years old. I just happened to be putting on deodorant one morning and I felt something under my arm.
[00:06:44] And it didn’t feel right and I didn’t hesitate, and I immediately called a breast surgeon and they got me in fairly quickly. And then it started a bunch of testing that was done and it turned out that. I indeed had breast cancer too. So the fact that I went immediately to the doctor, had it looked at I, they caught it early, thankfully.
[00:07:13] And I wound up having a mastectomy with reconstruction surgery. And my course of treatment lasted close to a year with all the different surgeries and things that I had to go through. But I knew I needed to be there for my boys. And being what had happened with my mom at such an early age not getting through this was not an option for me.
[00:07:37] So that’s kind of where we..
[00:07:40] Adam Walker: Alright. So what was it like for each of you when you found out, you know your lifetime friend has breast cancer walk. Walk me through that. What was that? What was that conversation? What were those emotions like?
[00:07:54] Tammy Leyden: So it’s interesting because Caryn and I were just speaking about this recently and I remember it.
[00:07:59] She didn’t remember where I was, but I remembered where I was when she called me and I happened to be at my son’s baseball game and… our friendship we didn’t speak often, but we always picked up when the other one called. And that’s exactly what happened that day. And she called and I stepped away from the game and I picked up and she told me, she said you know, I have breast cancer.
[00:08:23] And I remember it clear as day. I remember it like it was yesterday. And I remember thinking at that exact moment, you’re going to be okay. It’s almost like I knew you are going to be okay and you are going to be okay because you’ve been doing everything right for so long, you’ve been on top of this and they caught it early and you’re going to be..
[00:08:46] Adam Walker: How about you Caryn?
[00:08:47] Caryn Siegel Finley: And for me it was so soon after my diagnosis and surgeries that when she told me it wasn’t even a hesitate. I’m like you’re going to be fine. Let’s get this going. And I took her to a doctor’s appointments. I showed her by being there for her. Look at me. I am okay. You’re going to be okay. I actually, I had no doubt she was going to be okay.
[00:09:19] But everyone’s breast cancer experience, diagnosis is so different.
[00:09:24] That I do feel like having tammy able to see me and that mental attitude of positivity is really so important. So if nothing else, I just wanted her to see like, keep the positivity you’ll get through this. I got through this. I was happy to be there for her.
[00:09:48] I was happy to be the person to tell her what to expect. I was happy to, you know be someone that she could be true with her emotions about her anxiety, her feelings, you know, I had just been through it and I was happy and felt more like, you know, there are reasons why things happen. Like I, this happened to me, and now because of that I am here for her.
[00:10:18] Adam Walker: Right. Right. And talk about what did the friendship mean to each of you as you went kind of through your own process respectively.
[00:10:28] Tammy Leyden: It meant so much to me. I mean, knowing that Caryn came at it, came out of it on the other side and helping Na me navigate every aspect of this journey just made me feel as if I was just going to be okay and I can do this and that support and that friendship meant so much and was so incredible.
[00:10:50] And, I often say everyone should have a Caryn, and that’s the way I can, that’s exactly how I can explain it, that everyone should have a Caryn because it just did so much for me during that time that every everyone needs it.
[00:11:04] Caryn Siegel Finley: When I got diagnosed, I felt like so many people wanted to help when like, say the right thing.
[00:11:11] I remember so many people would say, I’m sorry to me when they heard that I got diagnosed, like, and I was like, I remember calling my parents and being like, everyone thinks I’m going to die. Like everyone’s saying, I’m sorry. They’re trying to be helpful and supportive, but they’re not saying anything that is being helpful now.
[00:11:29] And I had three people that I could speak to and could be my true self with. Two were people that had been through this and the third was Tammy. And I felt like, and it was really Tammy, I mean her mom was like a mother to me for so many years, and I knew that she had this. Terrible experience of losing her mom to this awful disease, and it was only people that had this direct impact by breast cancer, either themselves or someone as close to them, like their mother that I felt like could say.
[00:12:08] Things to me that were helpful. It wasn’t always like, you’re going to be okay. It was like, you know, this is, you know how it, it happened for me and this is how I felt and X, Y, and Z. And then that was what made me feel better. And then I guess that’s how it translated when Tammy got diagnosed for me to be there for her.
[00:12:33] Tammy Leyden: She helped me know what to expect. And knowing what to expect really helped take away a lot of that anxiety that I was having.
[00:12:40] Adam Walker: Yeah.
[00:12:40] Tammy Leyden: You know, we, we didn’t know exactly how it was going to turn out in the end, but just going through every stage and just having an idea of what to expect really was very helpful.
[00:12:50] Adam Walker: Yeah, that’s great. Now, and Caryn, you mentioned, you know, when you told people or talked to people and they said, you know, I’m sorry, like, that’s not very helpful. So I guess I would ask each of you like, what advice would you have to share with others for things they can do that are helpful things they can say that are helpful.
[00:13:06] Like what are your thoughts on that?
[00:13:09] Caryn Siegel Finley: You know, Tammy and I talk about this a lot. Like people always want to help when you get diagnosed, right? Like..
[00:13:16] Adam Walker: Right.
[00:13:17] Caryn Siegel Finley: To back up a tiny bit. At the time we were both diagnosed, I mean, I can speak for myself. My son was five years old. I have a husband, I have, I own a dental practice.
[00:13:26] I’m a pediatric dentist. Like I have so much on me and Tammy the same. Like, we’re not good at accepting help, but everyone wants to help. So part of this for us was allowing people to help us. Right? And in turn, like. We want to help other people, right? So we found ourselves being put in contact with anyone who had someone they knew or themselves diagnosed with breast cancer.
[00:14:01] So, you know, just telling people the honest truth about our own experiences and just being able to just lend an ear for them was really it. It’s what helped me. So it’s what I would do and continue to do for others.
[00:14:20] Tammy Leyden: And I really think that we both consider us ourselves strong, independent women.
[00:14:26] And I think we both find it so hard to accept or ask for help. And we never wanted to be a burden to anybody. And you know, we’re so used to just doing things on our own. So. Accepting that help from the people that loved us and cared about us. Although it was hard to do, it was so necessary and we’re so grateful that we did because that’s what really helped push us along.
[00:14:52] And if there’s any advice that I can give to others who have similar type of personalities or situations you know, my boys were 13 and 10 at the time. You know, I was going through a divorce at the time, so leaning on those around me who really wanted to help, was so necessary. And it just helped me get through and show my boys that, you know, we’re going to do this, we can do this.
[00:15:19] Adam Walker: Yeah. That’s great. Now, speaking of helping, let’s go back and talk about your social media accounts again for a minute. So tell me, you know, why you started that, how people can find you what do you do on those accounts? Why is this important to you?
[00:15:33] Tammy Leyden: So, as Caryn said before after our breast cancer journey we both found ourselves helping other people, whether it was friends, family, friends of friends, because we both spoke so openly and honestly about our journeys
[00:15:48] People would look to us if they had heard of somebody that. Was diagnosed and needed more information or wanted to hear our stories. We were always there to share that information and help out. And being that we had this history of our friendship for so long it just started to make sense that we kind of joined forces and we come together and we try to put ourselves out there and to help as many people as we possibly can.
[00:16:19] Adam Walker: I love that. Caryn, anything to add?
[00:16:22] Caryn Siegel Finley: Want to, I want to also like tell Tammy she’s an occupational therapist who has worked with breast cancer patients. You can talk more about that, Tammy. It’s just like. Part of who she is. And it really, you know the content we share on our social media platform we’re not doctors, but we do have experience both personally and professionally, helping those in the breast cancer community.
[00:16:49] And so you know, it’s really just about us taking our friendship, the basis of our friendship, this shared experience. That we helped each other through. And just to make sure people know that you’re not alone when you’re going through this. I think that the whole experience can feel so isolating, so lonely, you know, if you have a spouse, like my husband wanted to be helpful, but like
[00:17:17] didn’t really understand like the emotions that I was going through fully. And so you, you don’t have to be alone. You don’t have to fight alone. There are so many people out there that have experienced it. You know, and you we’re not like. We’re funny, we’re happy we’re on the other side of this.
[00:17:39] We, we, you know, had fear, we had anxiety. We went through all the emotions. We had people that needed us, that depended on us. We have careers, you know, we’ve we feel like we’re relatable in so many different ways and if we can help anyone going through this to not feel alone, to know that we’ve been through it.
[00:18:06] That’s really one of our major missions is to no one’s alone.
[00:18:12] Tammy Leyden: And I think also losing my mom at such an early age I never wanted anyone to feel isolated like I did. And to be able to advocate on a larger platform for early detection is so, I’m so passionate about it. And it’s so important to both of us because we really feel that early detection saves lives.
[00:18:32] It saved ours. And looking back to what happened with my mom, I don’t want, if we could help anybody not have to go through that that is part of the message that we want. To get out as well.
[00:18:44] Adam Walker: That’s right. Well, you’ve been through a lot together. You did it together, which is beautiful.
[00:18:50] What final message of advice would you like to give to our listeners?
[00:18:54] Tammy Leyden: So I, we think that, you know, having breast cancer is only one chapter in our life. It’s not the whole story. It has shaped us, but it definitely does not define us in any way, shape, or form.
[00:19:09] Caryn Siegel Finley: It’s actually allowed us, it’s given us gifts that we didn’t know we needed or didn’t expect.
[00:19:17] I think for both of us, it’s made us more grateful for things that we took for granted. It made us thankful, appreciative, proud of ourselves. I think we both wear our scars with pride and we survived it and really feel like it it was a blessing for me in many ways as, as strange as that sounds I think it made us both big examples for our children.
[00:19:52] And really I think both of us feel very proud to have gone through it with the grace that we did and really just hope we can affect others and help others.
[00:20:04] Tammy Leyden: And add out of something so negative. So many positive things really did come outta this. And we truly want to be there for people and make sure that nobody ever fights alone.
[00:20:15] Adam Walker: I love that. And if people did want to find you one more time what’s your handle again?
[00:20:20] Caryn Siegel Finley: Well, you should all find us, but the handle is at Breastie friends forever. And it’s spelled B-R-E-A-S-T-I-E friends forever.
[00:20:33] Tammy Leyden: All one. All one word together.
[00:20:35] Caryn Siegel Finley: We’re on Facebook and Instagram and hopefully we’ll expand to other platforms soon.
[00:20:42] Adam Walker: I love it. I love it. Well, thank you both for being on the show. You’re inspiring. I love your message. I love your gratitude. Love the shirts, and we, we’ll have to have you back again sometime.
[00:20:51] Tammy Leyden: Thank you so much.
[00:20:53] Caryn Siegel Finley: Thanks, Adam. Happy New Year.
[00:21:00] Adam Walker: Thanks for listening to Real Pink, a weekly podcast by Susan G Komen. For more episodes, visit real pink.Komen.org. And for more on breast cancer, visit Komen.org. Make sure to check out at Susan G Komen on social media. I’m your host, Adam. You can find me on Twitter at AJ Walker or on my blog adam j walker.com.