[00:00:00] Adam Walker: From Susan G Komen, this is Real Pink, A podcast exploring real stories, struggles, and triumphs related to breast cancer. We’re taking the conversation from the doctor’s office to your living room.
[00:00:17] This is Real Talk, a podcast conversation where we’re digging deep into breast cancer and the realities patients and survivors face every day. We’re talking openly and honestly about just how difficult breast cancer can be from being diagnosed to selecting the right treatment plan, to living day-to-day with metastatic breast cancer and life after treatment ends.
[00:00:37] Children can be one of life’s greatest blessings. Breast cancer survivor, Alex Miles- Stiffler and Sara Galher long for larger families. Their diagnoses, put those dreams further and further out of reach. Alex struggled to start a family before her diagnosis. The heartache she felt after two miscarriages was unbearable at times, and her fertility challenges only grew after breast cancer treatment, but she wasn’t giving up on the family she dreamed of having.
[00:01:07] Sara always knew she wanted several children. She was blessed with a precious daughter prior to being diagnosed, but her cancer was aggressive and the treatment couldn’t wait. She had to forego egg preservation and the uncertainty of fertility along with the cost of fertility treatments will make it harder to grow her family.
[00:01:25] Alex and Sara, thank you for sharing your stories. Fertility is something that affects so many women and it’s heartbreaking to know the pain someone feels when they can’t have the children. They so deeply desire. As emotional as this conversation is, it’s gonna help so many listeners today. So Sara, let’s start with you.
[00:01:43] Please introduce yourself, share a little bit about your fertility experience, and then Alex, we’d like for you to do the same and then discuss with one another.
[00:01:52] Sara Galher-Barlow: Thanks Adam, and thanks for the opportunity of being here in the podcast. It is a very sensitive topic, but I think it needs to be talked more about.
[00:02:04] So in my case, I, I’m Sara. I’m Sara Barlow. I came to the US seven years ago. I’m currently in Utah. I’m 37 years old and had my first kid, I was 33, 34. And the hardest part was being diagnosed with PCOS, you know, different kinds of PCOS. I had one of my OB-GYNs tell me that I would have several miscarriages before.
[00:02:31] Conceiving and that shattered my heart. But it didn’t stop me from just keep trying, you know? And I changed doctors to make sure I got a second opinion about the matter. And my new doctor told me that we needed to set a deadline. It was around January, it like, okay, by June you’re not pregnant, then we might consider.
[00:02:57] Just starting a treatment and see your options and go from there. But in May I got pregnant, so I was like at the borderline of the deadline and I’m like, okay, let’s do this. But the fear of those miscarriages was still there. But my daughter was born, she’s three and a half years now, but then early this year in April, well we get hit by the notice that I got breast cancer.
[00:03:24] So that’s when the world stops. And then my doctor says, well, your cancer feeds off of hormones. I’m like, okay, so what does this mean? Well, we have two options. We can go ahead with the chemotherapy without, um, using medications like Lupron and you know, just damage the eggs and that’s it. And the other option is to give a monthly shot.
[00:03:53] Of Lupron and then preserve those eggs, not the eggs, but the ovaries, like shut down the ovaries and hope that they’re okay after chemotherapy. So it’s like, wow, those are my options. And since the cancer was aggressive, I asked about, um, egg reservation. So they gave me a phone number to go to call a clinic, and they say it would kind of take a couple of weeks.
[00:04:18] The process to go through plus the cost, you know, so I talked with my husband and we, we talked with my husband about it, and we were like, do we want more kids? Absolutely. We want more kids. Do we wanna go the line of kind of investigating more or researching more about preservation? Maybe like, we have a daughter already.
[00:04:43] I think we should focus on her. I don’t wanna delay treatment. So we decided on just not preserving the eggs so we wouldn’t lose any time and we wouldn’t have to go to through the strain of infertility treatment costs at that time. So I went ahead and said, we’re not good doing egg reservation. Let’s dive into this.
[00:05:04] And that was kind of like the hardest thing. Out of the whole entire treatment besides hearing it’s cancer. I think the hardest thing for me is hearing you may not be able to have kids anymore.
[00:05:16] Alex Miles Stiffler: Um, I feel like, Sara, you’re in a spot that I was in exactly almost five years ago. So in October of 2020, I found out that I had breast cancer after discovering.
[00:05:37] In my breast on my own, despite having a significant family history. Um, you know, my mother had tested negative for the BRCA genes and so. I always thought that maybe breast cancer would come later in life. After I went through menopause and after having the, the family that I had always dreamed of, I wanted more than, um, one or two kids.
[00:06:03] I, I was one of those people who was like, I would love to have five or six kids. I come from a family where I’m one of five. My parents have really big families on each side. And so that was, that was the dream. For me and what I always envisioned for myself. But after, um, going through back to back miscarriages, after having my daughter who is, who was two years old at the time, in 2020, um, as I mentioned, I discovered the lump in my breast and quickly, um, went from, okay, there’s a lump to you have cancer.
[00:06:44] This is not only going to impact your life for the foreseeable future with treatment, but it could have significant implications with my ability to have more children and achieve that dream that I had always planned on and that my husband and I had always thought about. And so fortunately, one of the early conversations when I was beginning to understand treatment options was the fact that I could.
[00:07:13] Pursue fertility preservation before going through chemotherapy. And so in between my mastectomy and starting chemotherapy, we did do a quick round of IVF and were able to, um, create seven embryos. And so, um, sort of set that aside after going through that process and just focused really on treatment and getting myself into a position where I was strong enough and healthy enough to care for my daughter and for my husband, and for the rest of our families.
[00:07:54] Um, and about a couple of years ago, we decided to pursue the surrogacy. Process, process, I knew that I probably wouldn’t be able to carry myself, but we had hoped that we would find somebody who could help us and we were fortunate that we, um, found an agency that was affordable for us and worked with us from a cost perspective.
[00:08:19] And, um, a couple of years later, I am excited to say that we just recently welcomed our second daughter via surrogacy. Which has been a huge, huge blessing to us. But I also know that, um, you know, it, it certainly wasn’t easy to get to this point, and so I certainly can understand where you’re coming from, Sara, where you’re at, the sort of the beginning.
[00:08:48] But I hope that, you know, you know that there are options out there, even though. Maybe it doesn’t always look like the journey or the path that you envision for yourself and your family.
[00:09:02] Sara Galher-Barlow: How, because Yes. Uh, I’m at, I’m at the beginning, like so many, the whole uncertainty of the future. You know, I had chemotherapy first.
[00:09:13] I’m going through bilateral mastectomy tomorrow, and then after that, hormonal therapy and. What were your kind of regarding surrogacy, the major challenges that you have choosing that path? Like what were your thoughts at the beginning and, and now that you’ve gone through it, looking back to say, okay, I shouldn’t have worry about this, or maybe that worry was valid.
[00:09:43] I would like to know your perspective since you’re ahead of, of the journey, you know, in a sense. Yeah.
[00:09:49] Alex Miles Stiffler: Yeah. You know, in looking back, I think that. The biggest, you know, the, the concerns were sort of twofold for my husband and I, um, because, you know, he was going through this sidestep with me was, you know, once I was healthy enough, you know, would I, um, would we be able to afford surrogacy?
[00:10:14] It’s certainly not, um, financially. It’s, it’s not financially easy for a lot of families and it was certainly something that we had to think about and plan for. And also finding an agency that would, you know, wasn’t necessarily demanding some of the upfront costs that some of the ones that, uh, you know, some of the others that we were doing some research on.
[00:10:42] And so. It took a lot of interviewing different agencies, speaking to them about what we’d been going through, exploring if there were any sort of incentive, uh, I shouldn’t say incentive programs, but exploring if there were any sort of, uh, financial assistance programs out there that could help us. Um, and then once we did land on the agency, I guess the next challenge was.
[00:11:11] Who, how do we find the right person and who are we looking to help us grow our family? And that took a little bit of time. We actually had one person that we, that we started with, uh, our families got along really well, and we had full hopes that this was the right match for us. And after going through one round of.
[00:11:37] Um, that sort of the, the embryo transfer process, it didn’t work out. And then some other kind of challenges arose for our surrogate on her with her own health that caused her to take a step back. Um, so then here we were deciding, okay, we’ve invested all this money and in our first go with surrogacy, do we think we can continue to pursue this with somebody else?
[00:12:05] Ultimately, um, did find another, another woman, um, and her and her husband. You know, after a couple of rounds of interviews with them, we were fortunate to be able to, you know, choose that this was the, the, the right person that we thought would we could move forward with. And fortunately, that journey was extremely smooth.
[00:12:36] We did one transfer, uh, in January of 2025, and thank God it, it took, and, you know, nine months later we welcomed our daughter Scarlet. Um, and so I can’t say enough good things about her and her husband and having, you know, really solid and strong communication with them, but. It certainly didn’t happen overnight from finding our agency to finding the right match.
[00:13:11] Certainly took a bit of time and I think that being patient is probably the hardest thing, but it’s also the most important thing I could say to you. You know, given where you are at in the pro process and whether it’s surrogacy or adoption, um, or, you know, there’s a lot of. Ways to build a family. I hope that that’s something that it, you know, if you truly want it, that you’ll, you’ll hold onto that hope and patience.
[00:13:42] Sara Galher-Barlow: Thank you. And, uh, it’s so amazing to hear that from you because definitely is not the same as researching, you know, what is this path like and have been able to talk with you here. It’s, it’s so. Refreshing refresh and, and a blessing to have to connect because I feel like patience is one of the hardest things so far.
[00:14:12] Kind of, um, kind of like a type A. So sometimes I go ahead too much and I’m like, no, no, no, no, no. Let’s go back. Let’s take a step by step. And I feel that after receiving the diagnosis, that was one of the hardest things for me, just. Pause every plan, pause every possibility, and just take one day at a time.
[00:14:32] Just knowing that there are so many paths to build. A family does keep hope, and at the same time, there’s that back end of maybe I cannot carry my own, you know, and then it’s okay, but it’s a family and any child, any kind of life is welcome. To me and my husband, but it’s still that on the back end and having to find new coping mechanisms as we go along through the, through this journey.
[00:15:06] It’s just learning curve after learning curve and hearing the challenges and hearing the hope as well from your story really gives me hope. And oh my goodness, a new baby girl that’s. I’m so happy for you. Really, so happy.
[00:15:25] Alex Miles Stiffler: Thank you. It, it took time to get here. You know, it’s been a five year process from when I was diagnosed to where we’re sitting today, but I can say to you that, you know, hopefully Ha you, you, you said you have a daughter, right?
[00:15:45] Sara Galher-Barlow: Yes.
[00:15:46] Alex Miles Stiffler: Uh, what is her name?
[00:15:48] Sara Galher-Barlow: Her name is Moses.
[00:15:50] Alex Miles Stiffler: Oh my gosh. Beautiful. You know? Ha. I also think that the fact that I, I also had a daughter who is about the same age as your daughter is now. When I was first diagnosed, you know, she was too holding on to her. Also just brought some, a sense of peace that I, I had her, we had our family and we weren’t going to let anything stop us from celebrating.
[00:16:20] We, you know, once I was done with treatment, we ended up taking a trip to Disney World
[00:16:30] and, you know, in addition to that, we took her on other trips to see family. We ended up taking her on a trip to Europe when she turned five to Paris and to London and doing things that. I really brought a lot of joy to our family and trying to do things that also maybe we wouldn’t be able to do if we were in the midst of having more babies and raising them.
[00:17:00] You know, we really just tried to do as much as we possibly could with her and to really just to be in that mo tho those moments and be really present for her was still so important to me. And I hope that as you’re going through surgeries and getting through treatment, you know, those are going to be some really hard times.
[00:17:23] But just know that on the other side of that, there’s going to be a lot of really happy times with your daughter and with your husband, and I hope that you can maybe think about, well, what are some things that we can do to celebrate milestones in my cancer journey, or to celebrate milestones in your daughter’s life.
[00:17:43] Sara Galher-Barlow: That’s so important, and I appreciate you saying that because sometimes you may lose the focus of all this fear of the unknown and then being grounded back and say, Hey, I got this family. So I’ve caught myself in those moments where I’m like, yeah, I have her. I have her. You know? And when I think of other breast cancer patients that haven’t had.
[00:18:12] That opportunity yet of building a family or having a family before a diagnosis. Although both parts are hard, you know, I kind of like, my heart just shrinks or kind of shrinks a little bit. ’cause all I want is the hope that whoever wants a family and is going through this journey, be able to get their own, um, at their own time, you know?
[00:18:36] But. All these possibilities. I feel like science is evolving in such a way that can make that happen. But I was thinking about what you said of those trips, you know, taking her milestones. And I feel very blessed and lucky to live in Utah in the sense that I like hiking and I like being outdoors. And Utah has so much to offer without going too far.
[00:19:02] And so we sometimes just. Go on a walk, you know, go on a small hike whenever she wants to, and then do something, go places that she likes, or have those, those days where I’m like, okay, you get to choose, you get to plan the day. And then she goes ahead and gives all these things that she would like to do.
[00:19:21] Um, especially right now, my husband is in the Navy who, so he sees, he’s out of state and I’m with her. And so I’m like, okay, let’s make the best. It kind of. Not feeling the gap for, for that, you know, because I know she will always feel that, but at least make it a little bit more, um, fun for her to navigate between not having her dad, me being through this process and, and just having her.
[00:19:50] But when she asked me, Hey, I wanna, I want a baby brother. Hey, I want a sister. I’m like, shattered. But at the same time. I’m like, oh yeah, you want one? Okay. Yeah. Well, mom’s going through this. It may, it may be, it may take some time. So she’s like, oh, okay. Probably she doesn’t get it fully, but I hope that she’s, as she grows, she slowly can kind of comprehend why there’s no baby sister, baby coming.
[00:20:21] Um, but in the meantime, it’s kind of like holding to those moments. Like you said, I’ve been well. I’ve been very grounded on my faith and I feel that that’s one of the things that has helped me a lot, just ground on my faith and believing God’s timing. And if it’s going to be, it’s going to be, if we found a way and we can grow our family, then that would be a treat, that would be a treat for life.
[00:20:47] And if not, uh, we still have her, you know, we still have our, our Moses and. Get those milestones, I will take note on that to make sure I, I like, celebrate those milestones and also make her life more enjoyable, you know, in the midst of all these trials that she’s going through as a toddler. And I’m like, you shouldn’t be going through this, but here we are.
[00:21:09] You know? So thank, I really appreciate you sharing that.
[00:21:13] Alex Miles Stiffler: Yeah, absolutely. I think that it’ll really, it will really help as you think about. Journey, having journey those times of just pure joy and happiness with your little girl, because, you know, they’re, the treatments are hard, the surgeries are hard, but at the end of the day, holding onto them, they’re, I mean, there’s just, there’s nothing like it.
[00:21:46] And so I really think it, it is important to just be present. You know, sharing those special times with them and re remembering to enjoy the, the family that, that you have while also, you know, you’re always gonna hold onto that hope for the future. Um, and just going back to that comment around patients and how hard it is, but it, it also, I think, um.
[00:22:18] You know, I just, I always believed in my heart that there would, there was one day going to be more for our family, and I hope that you can hold onto that hope and faith. I, I also think that that’s, um, I’m glad that you talked a little bit about faith because I think that I also held onto that in addition to my family was just trying to remember that.
[00:22:42] Life would eventually have more in store for us. And there’s a, there’s a plan and hopefully one day, um, it all, it all fits into place and makes sense. I always envisioned having my kids back to back, you know, I have four younger brothers and we’re all just a couple of years apart and that was such a. So much fun growing up and having everybody close in age, and that’s just what I always thought my own family would look like.
[00:23:16] And I struggled when I thought about my daughter being so much older than her siblings one day, but now watching her with a baby at the age of seven, almost eight, it, it almost feels like it makes sense now just. We’ve the fact that this is the way that it, it it’s gonna be, and it’s no less joyful or exciting for us.
[00:23:46] Seeing her hold her little sister. It’s like, wow, I can breathe easier. Just feeling like this is, this is okay, and this is. As wonderful as it would’ve been seeing her as a two or a 3-year-old holding a little sister. I, I mean, we’re, we really do just feel more at peace with where we’re at. And I, I hope, and I pray, and I, I, I know that you’re going to get there one day.
[00:24:17] It’s just reconciling with the fact that it, it looks different than maybe you planned.
[00:24:25] Sara Galher-Barlow: Yeah. And that’s so precious. That’s so precious. I always wonder about that age gap, you know, if it’s like older and having a, and having a baby. And the way you picture it sounds, sounds like it fits, you know, like you said, um, even though this is the first time we met, when you talk about it, I’m just like, kind of picturing them and, and it’s such a precious, such a precious picture because one.
[00:24:53] The balance between, you know, the siren of, uh, family and then the uncertainty of not working out. Like you said, you had this first try and then you had another try. And the resilience that we get through this journey, I think it’s big part of the healing that we can get just. I’ve always thought about the palm trees.
[00:25:21] You know, the palm trees are, the palm trees are at the beach. They get like backed down and then they bounce back. And I’m always, when I’m in the kind of a dark spot, I’m like, I’m a palm tree. I, I’m a palm tree. I can bounce back, I can, you know, be crushed by the waves and then I’m back again. And the roots are just.
[00:25:44] So down below with, with each trial, I feel like the roots are just going deeper and deeper and deeper. And we ground ourselves a lot more, um, through adversity that we can pull ourselves back and just get all these hopes because I mean, for me it may look God, you know, Jesus. And then for someone else it can be some, um, other, other ways of spirituality that they ground themselves and don’t just like put themselves up.
[00:26:13] So hearing your experience is just so refreshing to me because it gives me a lot of hope. It makes me ground my roots a little deeper and, and I’m just thinking also of whoever’s gonna hear this, it’s like give that little bit of hope too.
[00:26:30] Alex Miles Stiffler: I hope so. I, I hope that my story can be one of encouragement for people that are in the midst of.
[00:26:41] You know, whether they’re at the beginning or in the middle or thinking about, okay, now I feel ready to explore my family building options, whether it’s having a child of your own going the surrogacy route or going adoption, that there are those options out there and that, you know, there, um, while it’s challenging and can be hard to go through it being on the other side of it, it’s, it feels like there’s.
[00:27:10] It all makes sense now with, with where we’re at. And so I just continue to, to pray for you and your family, um, that, that you kind of are able, once you’re able to get on the other side of this, you, you’ll feel ready to explore whatever path that you envision for yourself and your family.
[00:27:35] Adam Walker: Well, um, Sara and Alex, I mean. I, I really appreciate you just having this conversation and, and being open and, and, and real and, and vulnerable and, um, there’s so much value for, for the rest of us to be able to, to learn from you. And I, and I really, I really appreciate that. I, I do want to wrap up asking a question, sort of going back to something you said, Sara, you mentioned, uh, I love that metaphor of the palm trees.
[00:28:02] That’s, that’s a beautiful metaphor. And so, um, is there something, is there. Someone, uh, that’s helped you heal, uh, either inside or out from, from your experience that might be helpful to those that are listening and, and kind of need some healing of their own?
[00:28:19] Sara Galher-Barlow: Good question. Someone would be my family directly, my husband, my family.
[00:28:32] And um, obviously my in-laws, they’re my. And some friends regarding my family. I had, I have an uncle who went through a very, very hard, um, cancer and he’s still with us. And I have an aunt who went through breast cancer, but she’s no longer with us. Um. I feel that them too, through their journey, even though I didn’t know much about my aunts, as I did a little bit more about my uncle, their healing came from their resilience.
[00:29:15] You know, my aunt having three boys and you know, just giving her all for them even though she was not in the infertility side. Right. Of what we’re talking about. But her resilience, her, her faith, her endurance, her just lock in on leaving the best way that she could, helps me heal, like in her memory, helps me heal to just move, keep moving forward.
[00:29:47] My uncle, same. It’s like, don’t give. You know, you got this, you’ll be good. You know how there’s some people that, and, and I feel like every person that approach us when we get the diagnosis, what, regardless of that, what they say they mean well, but there’s some people that are more tend to giving you love, but a little bit more straightforward.
[00:30:16] So I appreciate my uncle just saying. You gonna get out of this, you know, but in a very like don’t, because he’s, and I believe that too. Your energy is everything. Your environment is everything. If staying positive is very hard sometimes, but him saying, you got this. As in like, don’t you, you don’t get, you don’t, you don’t get to break down.
[00:30:38] You know what I mean? Like that kind of sense. It, it makes me move forward. And my parents are unconditional love. You know, they, they landed last night here to be with me for the two weeks post-op and they’re in Honduras and also they came for a little bit, they’re going to be here for a little bit. And I was telling, I was telling them how a simple thing, and I’m gonna kind of like end my part with this, but today.
[00:31:03] It was priceless to just wake up and have my daughter just, mama, I need this, I need that. You know, like 6:30 AM seven and just like hear my mom say, come here. I got you. Your mama sleeping. I’m like, yes.
[00:31:19] So simple things like that has have a big healing impact on me and just my husband saying, he’s like, you got this.
[00:31:32] Adam Walker: All right, Alex, how about, how about you? What’s, uh, what’s been healing for you?
[00:31:37] Alex Miles Stiffler: I think that the, without a doubt, our, our families have been so instrumental in providing us with support and that encouragement of, you’ve got this, you know, I have my father, he, um, him.
[00:31:55] Uh, his biggest advice was, okay, today you can cry and you can be upset, but tomorrow you’re gonna get up and you’re gonna fight and you’re gonna move on, and we’re gonna put this into the past. We’re just gonna keep moving forward. And I think that his mentality was really the result of watching his own mother go through breast cancer twice and beat it and come out on the other side and still find ways to enjoy life.
[00:32:26] But you know, beyond that, I would say that talking to other women, going through this cancer journey was, without a doubt, another huge aspect of my own healing, and finding not only some, some comfort in talking to them about their experiences and how they were navigating certain treatments. Fertility preservation process.
[00:32:56] But then also, you know, talking to them about my own fears about what if something doesn’t work or what if I need to, you know, go through this again. Like, what, what then? And so really just relying on that community of women who were my own age and had the same hopes and dreams that were put on pause, you know, really.
[00:33:21] Communicating with them about how we were gonna navigate the future was something that, without a doubt, uh, was instrumental in me kind of feeling, and also continuing to find that hope that I would get to the place that I’m at today.
[00:33:40] Adam Walker: Yeah. Sara, do you have a final thought?
[00:33:43] Sara Galher-Barlow: Yeah. Can I add, uh, two more? I think it says, as Alice was saying, I was like, oh yeah, yeah.
[00:33:49] I’m getting like more insight right now in my brain. Can I add two more and then you decide which one you can read?
[00:33:55] Adam Walker: Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Yeah.
[00:33:56] Sara Galher-Barlow: Something that has healed me a lot is movement, and I believe movement is healing. Whether it’s a short walk around the block or going on a big hike or having the energy to run a marathon, you know, I’ve seen a lot of cancer patients do that, and I always thought, wow, can they really, can, could I really even run?
[00:34:20] So I didn’t do, I, I didn’t have, I didn’t race a marathon, but I was able to just run a mile, you know, run three miles and that was such a healing point for me. And what Alex mentioned also about the community and speaking to other women that are going through the same is, and this goes for the ones who are listening.
[00:34:44] When I went to the doctor, I received kind of like a folder with information and they included, and here they included a three page long. Resource list of retreats for cancer, patients of groups, community free resources, prosthetic resources. So to those who are listening out, say that if you haven’t received this resource from your doctor or your team, ask for it and see if there’s anything on the community.
[00:35:17] Because like Alice said, it’s a big thing for us as patients to just get ahold of other. Women that are going through the same and support each other.
[00:35:28] Adam Walker: That’s right. That’s right. Well, Sara, Alex, eat, meet. Again. Thank you for your vulnerability. Thank you for your authenticity. Thank you for sharing your story and your bravery.
[00:35:39] And uh, and thank you for being here with us on the show today. Thank you.
[00:35:49] Thanks for listening to Real Pink, a weekly podcast by Susan G Komen. For more episodes, visit real pink.Komen.org. And for more on breast cancer, visit Komen.org. Make sure to check out at Susan G Komen on social media. I’m your host, Adam. You can find me on Twitter at AJ Walker or on my blog adam j walker.com.