[00:00:00] Adam Walker: From Susan G Komen. This is Real Pink, a podcast exploring
[00:00:06] real stories, struggles, and triumphs related to breast cancer. We’re taking the conversation from the doctor’s office to your living room.
[00:00:17] This is Real Talk, a podcast conversation where we’re digging deep into breast cancer and the realities patients and survivors face every day. We’re talking openly and honestly about just how difficult breast cancer can be. From being diagnosed to selecting the right treatment plan, to living day-to-day with metastatic breast cancer and the life after treatment ends.
[00:00:36] Lakysha was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2018. Her cancer was caught early, but test results showed there was a high chance of occurrence. She required surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, and a hormone blocker for five years. She also had a hysterectomy to minimize her risk of other cancers. Life is a journey for her, filled with ups and downs, new challenges and triumphs.
[00:01:00] And Vonya is the friend we all need. She’s the friend who helps you reframe your bad days and encourages you to focus on something that brings you joy. She helped Lakysha normalize what she was going through and accept her emotions as they came. She’s also the friend who reminds you not to let one bad day spill into the next day.
[00:01:21] So Layksha, let’s start with you. Tell us more about your breast cancer experience and how your friendship with Vonya helps you overcome some very challenging days. And then after that, Vonya would love to hear from you. You’ve been instrumental in helping Layksha leverage calming practices and turn bad days into better days.
[00:01:37] We want to know more about how you’ve done that.
[00:01:41] Lakysha Laing: Awesome. So, yes. So I am now going on my seventh year of breast cancer survivorship. Woo hoo. Yes. I, it has been a journey. All of the things that were mentioned about my history has shaped who I am today. All of the things that I’ve gone through have also made me enjoy and appreciate life more.
[00:02:07] Being seven years healed, I like to say has allowed me to really take stock in ensuring that I take time for life, take time for family, and take time for myself. And Vonya has been there from day one, from the day that I found out all the way through to visiting, during chemo visits, calling me to check in, sending me care packages.
[00:02:34] Calling me just to have funny jokes. And then thereafter she continues to be in my tribe if I will of being someone that I consider a sister and I know that I can call whenever I am having one of those bad days, whether it’s related to my breast cancer or something else. So, very appreciative of our friendship and our sisterhood ness.
[00:02:58] Vonya Alleyne: Awesome. Well I, I don’t know how I’m going to follow that up. A little bit about me and the relationship I have with Lakysha, like she said. Definitely more of a sister and than a friend or even coworker. And actually that’s how we met. We worked for the same employer at the time and we worked on a number of different initiatives supporting the company and the industry that we work in, which is telecommunications.
[00:03:27] And we really got closed when we started a association, a chapter of an association. We worked hours and hours day in and day out, and that’s where, really where our friendship began to flourish. And my support of Layksha it’s very deep, it’s very personal. Layksha is, I call her a force, and I mean that with the most positive meaning behind that.
[00:04:01] She’s full of life, full of energy. As soon as you meet her, she radiates joy and positivity. And so when she got her diagnosis, it was it was deep. It was, I knew that I had to be there with her day in and day out because I loved her so much. And she’s a fighter. She’s not a quitter. And it, I owed it to her, to our friendship to be her ally, her advocate, part of her support system, part of her tribe as she went through her journey.
[00:04:42] So that’s just a little bit about how we got to know each other, and I know we’re going to dive into to your journey a little bit. So so let’s go there, Lakysha. Let’s do it.
[00:04:53] Lakysha Laing: Okay.
[00:04:53] Vonya Alleyne: All right.
[00:04:54] Lakysha Laing: Let’s do it.
[00:04:54] Vonya Alleyne: So let’s maybe take the viewers back in time to 2018 when you were first diagnosed, was a lot of information that you received.
[00:05:07] And, you know, one of the moments, and I’m going to jump around a little bit and you go where you want to go with this, but one of the moments that I remember is when you had to make the decision about what you were going to do with your hair, and we had a very honest conversation about the physical transformation that you would soon be going through.
[00:05:34] And it was so raw. And so I know that’s not necessarily the beginning of the story, but for me I think it’s important to talk about that conversation if you’re willing to do that. And kind of some of the things that you were wrestling with at the time.
[00:05:50] Lakysha Laing: Yeah. So you know, as women, right, our hair frames up who we are and how we look and how confident we are, and I was always known as the person to switch up my hair.
[00:06:01] Like you couldn’t look at me on a week and d determine what my hair was going to look like the next week because I just love changing up my style, my, the way I was feeling that month. I might’ve had color in my hair. I might’ve had straight hair, curly hair. And so when I found out that a part of my journey required me to take some really aggressive chemo treatments, and the first four were from what is known in the space as the Red devil is what it’s called and that particular treatment very early into it, you lose your hair like almost like by the second treatment.
[00:06:43] And I had four treatments of that to take. And they spanned out amongst three weeks each. And so when I got close to that second treatment where I found out that, okay, this is going to be it, I was terrified. I was sad. I was mad because I felt like it was taking away a piece of me. And I remember speaking to you about it and the first thing you said to me was, hair grows back Lakysha.
[00:07:16] And I think it was in that moment that I was like, well, dang, she’s right. It does grow back right? But I was so fixated on, oh my God, how am I going to look? It’s going to go away so fast. Can I control it? because at the time, I was a control freak. I needed to control every part of my life. And knowing that I could not control the fact that I was going to lose my hair and how and when that really put me into a, a tizzy or a, you know, I was…
[00:07:44] I was conflicted about it. So I think once you said that very simple thing to me, and it’s been a couple of very simple moments with you, Vonya, where you said something so simple and it brought me down out of this spiral that I was going through because it was very, it was that simple, you’ll get through this, eventually it will grow back.
[00:08:09] There are people out there that I have witnessed as well. It goes and then it comes back. So I think that was a pivotal moment too, to just not think so negatively all the time about what I might have to go through, but also to see the positive side of it.
[00:08:25] Vonya Alleyne: Yeah. Yeah. That’s. You’re absolutely right. So let’s go to one of those pivotal moments that, that you referenced and that you recall so vividly when you were having a rough day and you called like, like we always talk and at the time and still do you call to, to, you know, just to have that outlet.
[00:08:51] Why don’t you share a little bit about that? I’m going to deem it “that conversation.”
[00:08:58] Lakysha Laing: Yeah. So I had to travel for work to our corporate office at the time and at the company that we worked at there were, everyone liked to hug, right? And I had maybe been on the job, I was there for like two years by then, and
[00:09:19] I was just now getting into the swing of being that type of person around my coworkers and hugging and saying hi and all that. And so around the time I had to take this trip, I had just had a procedure, a biopsy so that they could assess whatever was going on. And I was still very tender and sore in my chest area.
[00:09:41] And so I had been there maybe about an hour into the workshop and oh my goodness. Everybody was walking up to me. Hi, Lakysha. Hi. Lakysha hugging me and because I hadn’t shared with everyone the diagnosis yet. I didn’t want to feel like I was pushing them off and didn’t want to hug them.
[00:10:06] So I would let people hug me.
[00:10:08] Vonya Alleyne: And it hurt you.
[00:10:09] Lakysha Laing: And it hurt.
[00:10:11] Vonya Alleyne: Yeah.
[00:10:13] Lakysha Laing: And so when I called you. This must have been after maybe like 10 or 11 people had hugged me by. Yep. And I was in so much pain and I remember calling you in tears. They wanting to hug me and I hurts. And I remember you again in the very simple way that you do well, Lakysha you, you don’t have to hug them.
[00:10:43] I was like, she was so, I was like, well, how do I do that? And you shared some ways that I could, you know, and still engage with folks and not make it feel awkward and also not share my diagnosis. because I wasn’t ready to share yet. But you gave me some tips on how to do it. That made me comfortable enough to do it in that way, but also so that I didn’t
[00:11:09] expose myself, but also make people feel uncomfortable about why I wasn’t asking them to hug me. So yeah, that was interesting.
[00:11:18] Vonya Alleyne: So for some of our viewers who may be experiencing what you experienced, do you remember maybe one or two of those tips that I gave you, would you be willing to share that if you remember?
[00:11:32] Lakysha Laing: I don’t remember. Yeah. Do you remember?
[00:11:37] Vonya Alleyne: I think one of them was, I told you to maybe turn to the side a little bit. I told you to move your body a little bit away from the, you know, the affected area.
[00:11:51] Lakysha Laing: Yes, because it was on the left and I’m left-handed, so I naturally go in on the left hand side.
[00:11:57] And so you said well switch sides if you still want to hug. I’m not saying you don’t hug, but if you still want to hug someone, then try to switch to the other side and see how that feels. And I was like, okay that’s an idea, that’s a thought. But it’s walking through different options with you that I had not thought of
[00:12:16] because I was so wrapped up in the emotion. I think is really what helped me to kind of calm down again, right? And then kind of figure out, okay, how do I still approach this, but feel comfortable with it for myself.
[00:12:30] Vonya Alleyne: Of sharing your story. You have been so transparent with others. And, you know, I would say a mentor to others just really
[00:12:42] talking folks through the highs, the lows, the good days and the bad days through, through your journey. One of the things that you said helped you as you were going through your journey was coloring books and they were, I gave you I can’t remember if it was one or two adult coloring books, but it was at least one.
[00:13:05] Do you mind just sharing what what that did for you. And I’ll share maybe after you tell your story, I’ll tell you why. because I don’t know if I ever told you why I gave you coloring books or why I thought of you. But maybe share what that, how that helps you, what that meant for you.
[00:13:21] Lakysha Laing: Yeah. So when I first got the coloring book, I was like, coloring book. Okay. Right. I’ll try anything. Right. Because it was at a point where I was going to my chemo treatments and those treatments were two, three hours long. So I was just sitting there most days, or if I was there with my husband, cliff, you know, we were engaging in dialogue, whatever.
[00:13:41] So when I got the coloring book, I took it with me to one of my treatments. And in, in the treatment setting, you are surrounded by people coming and going to get their own treatment and you know, sometimes folks are having a more difficult experience than you are and you’re there to witness it. So sometimes I wanted to be distracted from not having to see what others were going through, because then that also put me in a tizzy to think that I would be going through the same thing.
[00:14:15] And I know everyone’s journey is different, but in the moment you think at least I thought that I’m going to go through the same thing, and that might not have been the case. So I leveraged the coloring book to not have to look up about what’s happening around me. Be able to focus on coloring in the lines
[00:14:37] because you know, that takes a lot of attention. So precision, right? I had to have the right pencil, had to be sharpened the right way. Right? So I used the coloring book as a distraction tactic to get me through my treatment. By the time I was done, I had either ha, halfway finished one, I one page, or I had finished one or two pages depending on, you know, how quickly I was able to get through some of the pages and I will share.
[00:15:09] To this day, I purchased now my own set of coloring books. So I even have another one that I I do very regularly. After a long day, I’ll go and I’ll sit in my quiet space and I’ll pull out one of my coloring books and I’ll start coloring for a little while.
[00:15:28] Vonya Alleyne: That’s awesome. So I’ll tell you since I I don’t think I realized, I never told you the why behind why I got you adult coloring books.
[00:15:39] So when I think about you and your personality, I see color. Color to me means life. It’s energy. And so when I thought about the coloring books when I was in, you know the chemo or the treatment rooms with you, it didn’t feel. It felt, and I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way, but it felt very sterile.
[00:16:08] You know there’s drops everywhere and of course the technicians and what have you and the patients. And it just didn’t feel like an environment that was that was joyful, that was colorful. It was an environment of survivorship which is important by the way. I’m not minimizing that.
[00:16:25] But when I thought about your personality, again, I think of color and vitality and the coloring book represented, it was a physical kind of representation of how I viewed you or still view you in that regard. And then also to, to your point it’s. It’s an outlet, it’s a creative outlet. What you made of that picture is innately you, it is individually you, and it’s reflective of, you know, what you were going through during, you know, during that day, during that time period.
[00:17:02] And to your point it’s also a way to kind of get your mind off of what you were going through. So yes, it was a distraction but that’s not really the purpose. It was at that time. Reflection of how I viewed you, which is through color and through color is energy and positive energy. So that’s really why I bought that and it was just how I thought of you.
[00:17:26] Lakysha Laing: Aw, you never told me that. Now you got me all teary eyed and stuff.
[00:17:34] Vonya Alleyne: So let’s talk about, maybe shift the conversation from your journey to maybe advice. And so.
[00:17:42] You know, I, as a supporter of yours as a member of your tribe, I can certainly give advice on what I think that role should be and what it should entail.
[00:17:54] But you as the survivor, the thriver when you’re going through those ups and downs those good and bad days what advice do you give to others who are going to be walking the shoes that you once walked in what advice do you give them to kind of make it through the highs and the lows?
[00:18:15] Lakysha Laing: Yeah, so I, I recall another simple phrase you gave me that really started me to shift my mindset. And it was, it’s okay to have one bad day, but try not to have two. So in the moments when I was having one bad day and they were sporadic, so there’s seven days. I might have had a bad day on Sunday, but I didn’t let it spill into Monday.
[00:18:48] But then I might have had another bad day on Wednesday, but I didn’t let it spill into Thursday. Right? So I feel like it’s iterative where when we define bad days, they’re going to happen. Everyone. And for the most part goes through periods of time where they’re just not feeling themselves.
[00:19:05] They’re not feeling like themselves. They look at themselves sometimes and they don’t like what they see. I know there were periods where, as a result of the side effects from my treatments, I wasn’t looking like what Lakysha used to look. And I would look at myself, I would get concerned sometimes, and I would get depressed sometimes, and other times I’d be like, yeah, you look great.
[00:19:30] Right? Even with all that you’re going through. And so what I, the advice I would give is similar to what you said to me, it is okay to have a bad day. It is perfectly fine. However, the journey through this. The survivorship of getting through this cancer is for me was very much around remaining positive.
[00:19:58] And in order for me to remain positive, I had to acknowledge that there was a bad day. I had to understand what was bad about it, and then I had to then reconcile, okay, so now that we know these things what can you control? Can you control this or can you control that? And the things that I couldn’t control, I pushed to the side.
[00:20:20] If I could control getting out of bed and having a more of a pep in my step, then I did that. If I wasn’t really feeling well because of the side effects, but I could still get out of bed and go sit on the couch, then I did that. So I had to figure out what could I control about what I was feeling and what I couldn’t.
[00:20:40] And then whatever I couldn’t control. I had to let it be in whatever I could. I tried to make the best of it and be positive about it.
[00:20:47] Vonya Alleyne: I love that, and I think for me again, being one of your supporters and part of your tribe, I felt that my role was to be there, how you needed me in that moment, in that particular point in time.
[00:21:05] Also, I felt that my role was to make sure that you don’t get what I call stuck particularly stuck on a bad day or when things aren’t going well. Because my, my, my belief and I’m, you know, I’m not a doctor or psychologist or anything like that, but my belief is if you stay in a low place for too long, it becomes your new normal.
[00:21:32] It becomes your your psyche and how you view the world and how you view your outlook. And so my perspective, when you and I were having that conversation and I told you that was, you’re human. We’re all human. Have that bad day, let it out. Cry, scream, cuss, whatever, you know, whatever that looks like, right?
[00:21:56] Because the release looks different for each one, but that can’t be your new normal. Because if you stay in that place for, again from my perspective, if you stay in that place for too long. Then it really does begin to change, not just your outlook, but your personality too. Like, are you grumpier?
[00:22:18] Are you slower, are you more negative? You know, all those things. And that’s not who you are. Like you are not that person. You are the positive energy, you’re the light bulb. You’re the, we can do this when folks feel defeated. And so I felt that my job was as much as possible let you get that out, but then get Lakysha back to who Lakysha is and who she’s known for.
[00:22:42] And so that was my thought and my why behind saying you can have one bad day, but you can’t have two because you can’t stay in that place. That’s just not who Lakysha is.
[00:22:54] Lakysha Laing: And I give you a situation, again, very simple, that which is what I love about you, because you always just bring it back to simple, right?
[00:23:02] So one day we were talking. You were like, how are things going? I’m like, oh my God, I’m always hot. I’m thrust into menopause. These medications and I’m, I just can’t sleep because I’m sweating and I’m hot. Next thing I know what shows up at my door, a fan, right?
[00:23:24] So it’s simple things like that, where as my person, you listened, you heard. And I didn’t even have to ask you for a fan, but because you knew that was something that was causing me to have a bad day, you took it upon yourself to say, let me get that out the way for her. So here’s your fan, and I still have the fan.
[00:23:44] Vonya Alleyne: Oh my gosh. That is so funny. I remember that. I remember that. Oh my gosh. So this is just bringing back some really good. Really good memories. So as we begin to maybe wrap up our talk if you could maybe summarize as survivors, as allies, members of your tribe what’s the words of encouragement?
[00:24:18] What would you leave our audience with your words of wisdom?
[00:24:24] Lakysha Laing: Yeah, so for me, you know the subject of this conversation is around bad days and identifying how to get through them. And for me, I had to find different ways that worked for me to get through some of the things I was going through, whether that was coloring, whether that was, I love walks.
[00:24:52] So there were days when I was going through chemo. I couldn’t walk to a long, for a long period of time, but if I could walk for five minutes because it was something that I loved to do, even if that meant just getting up, going to the door and getting back to the couch, I did a walk. And so it was important for me to find ways that brought me, still brought me joy, regardless of what I might have been going through in the moment that I couldn’t control.
[00:25:20] So I took the reins and controlled what was important for me to be able to get through it. And so that would be my advice is that if there’s going to be some tough days, there will be. And as you’re going through that, try to find opportunities to find the light, to find the joy, to find yourself wa you find yourself back to yourself.
[00:25:47] Despite everything that is going on around you.
[00:25:50] Vonya Alleyne: Yeah. I 100% agree with you. I have this saying I am relentless in my pursuit of joy. I am diehard, like I am going to find joy somehow some way. And I think as you know, as your supporter, one of your tribe members my intensity around helping you find joy in those moments when you need it the most?
[00:26:18] It gave me purpose. And it gave me a way to to focus and then be intentional with my acts of support. And so one of the things you said was, you know, I listened. I listened with purpose because I wanted to make sure that I was providing you support in a way that would help you be the best version of yourself.
[00:26:40] That day. Whatever you were going. Yeah. Whatever you were going through. So I love, yeah, I love those words of wisdom as you and you have so many. Yeah. So thank you for yeah.
[00:26:52] Lakysha Laing: And even to that point really quick, even to that point, I even now have a hashtag.
[00:26:57] Vonya Alleyne: Oh, what’s that?
[00:26:58] Lakysha Laing: That says Joyful Survivor.
[00:27:00] So that’s my hashtag. Whenever I post something about my journey, I hashtag.
[00:27:06] Vonya Alleyne: Joyful survivor. Joyful survivor. Oh, I love that. I love that. It’s been awesome. Thank you for letting me talk with you. This has been great .
[00:27:19] Adam Walker: And it’s been pretty great being able to listen in. I love your pursuit of joy and it’s very obvious for both of you and it really, it shows through and the stories show through Vonya.
[00:27:30] You’re, the way you listened and responded really shows through and I really admire that. Layksha one, one kind of final question for you, and you sort of answered this, but I want to ask a more specific version of the question if you don’t mind. What’s… For listeners that are sort of struggling with bad days, right?
[00:27:49] What’s one small thing they can do today to shift their mental or emotional perspective?
[00:27:58] Lakysha Laing: Breathe and know that it will be okay. I had to often take breaths because I was working myself up and I had to take that moment and just breathe and pause and then that helped me re reframe and adjust my thinking because I took a moment to come out of that spiral and then just be for a little bit, and then I was able to regroup and then figure out how do I move forward.
[00:28:34] So breathe.
[00:28:36] Vonya Alleyne: Can I add onto that? I know you asked the question.
[00:28:39] Adam Walker: I was going to ask you to Yes, please do. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:28:42] Vonya Alleyne: I would add Layksha is 100% correct, but I would also add to that release, release that energy, so if that release is through breathing, if it’s through walking, if it’s through. If it’s through prying, if it’s through laughter, if it’s through eating, what, whatever that release is going to look different for everyone.
[00:29:06] But find your release mechanism and use it. And it may look different, you know, day to day, whatever, it doesn’t matter. But let it out of your body. Let it out of your mind. Praying, meditate, and listening to music. Believe it or not I love ratchet hip hop. Hip hop. So sometimes like I throw on, yes you do things that would make you touch your pearls, right?
[00:29:31] But that’s my release. You know what I mean? It’s true. I know.
[00:29:35] Lakysha Laing: Yeah.
[00:29:36] Vonya Alleyne: I know. I can’t believe I said this on a national podcast.
[00:29:40] Adam Walker: I think it’s kind of, I it speaks well of your character that you said it. Yes. Openly. That’s what it says. It says that you are who you are unapologetically. That’s right.
[00:29:48] And I love people like that. That’s amazing. So, that’s right. And you’re both genuinely inspiring. And I really can’t thank you enough for allowing us just to, to listen in to. To be a part of your lives for this moment and for the inspiration that you just gave to so many people. You’re both amazing individuals and I thank you so much for joining us on the show today.
[00:30:09] Vonya Alleyne: Thank you so much. It’s my pleasure. Thank you. Love you Lakysha. Thanks Adam.
[00:30:14] Lakysha Laing: Love you too. Thank you.
[00:30:22] Adam Walker: Thanks for listening to Real Pink, a weekly podcast by Susan G Komen. For more episodes, visit real pink.Komen.org. And for more on breast cancer, visit Komen.org. Make sure to check out at Susan G Komen on social media. I’m your host, Adam. You can find me on Twitter at AJ Walker or on my blog adam j walker.com.