[00:00:00] Adam Walker: From Susan G Komen, this is Real Pink, a podcast exploring real stories, struggles, and triumphs related to breast cancer. We’re taking the conversation from the doctor’s office to your living room.
[00:00:17] This is Real Talk, a podcast conversation where we’re digging deep into breast cancer and the realities patients and survivors face every day. We’re talking openly and honestly about just how difficult breast cancer can be. From being diagnosed to selecting the right treatment plan, to living day-to-day with metastatic breast cancer and life after treatment ends.
[00:00:37] We’re excited today to welcome Dina Farris and her husband Caleb to the podcast. Dina and Caleb navigated her breast cancer diagnosis together one step at a time in just weeks before their wedding. We know that breast cancer disproportionately affects the patient, but also deeply affects the loved ones and family members who are among their biggest supporters.
[00:00:58] Dina and Caleb, thank you for being here today and telling our listeners how you approach breast cancer together and advice for couples who are listening. So let’s start with you. Tell us your story and let’s start the conversation.
[00:01:12] Dina Farris: Good morning. How are you?
[00:01:13] Adam Walker: We’re great. I’m great.
[00:01:15] Dina Farris: So my name is Dina.
[00:01:16] I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 43. And it was, came to a, it was a very big surprise for my now husband and I we were planning our wedding and we’re full steam ahead and I actually got the news that, what I felt was a lump was in fact breast cancer on the day of my bridal shower.
[00:01:45] So that was not the way I’ve thought my day was going to go, but you know we just battled through and were, we were terrified. But we we really kind of came together and took one doctor appointment at a time. So I was diagnosed with ERPR, positive stage one breast cancer.
[00:02:15] So I caught it really early and I had felt a lump and just jumped on it and ended up going to the doctor getting, you know, a biopsy and, then we got that news. So that’s..
[00:02:28] Caleb Farris: A crazy time.
[00:02:29] Dina Farris: Yeah.
[00:02:29] Caleb Farris: Crazy time.
[00:02:30] Dina Farris: It was a crazy time. And Caleb was there with me through every step of the way. So, I mean, we were just super overwhelmed with
[00:02:39] doctor’s appointments. It was like our life just changed from, you know, planning a wedding and being blissful to, you know, we have to have this screening, this test, this doctor appointment. And it was a lot.
[00:02:54] Caleb Farris: It was. And I think that, we got overwhelmed at times where, as Dina mentioned, it was going from normal life to all these doctor visits.
[00:03:03] The unknown was there and I think that it gets overwhelming for anybody. And we just came together and we started talking about the next appointment and the next appointment, and a lot of things you don’t know going through the journey. And we started kind of saying, you know, you don’t know till, you know, and there’s no reason to worry about what we don’t know yet.
[00:03:25] And there’s so much going on at that time and we just, Hey, we have a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday. We got to get to Tuesday and the next one’s on Thursday. We got to get to Thursday. And that was so helpful. Like, you know, I, so many things were going through my mind of, you know. Am I going to be alive, you know, in a few years?
[00:03:44] Dina Farris: Am you know, am I going to leave my husband? Like, what? You know, what is the outcome of this? And the unknown was just the most terrifying. So having one, you know, his advice just got me through everything. One appointment, one step, one screening at a time was paramount in my mental and emotional health. And you know, so we we went through that, I ended up we got married. It was an amazing, it was an amazing day. But I ended up having, I elected to get a bilateral mastectomy. So it was not an easy decision. You know, there’s so many. There’s so many decisions thrown at you of, you know, options and treatment and, you know, we just decided together.
[00:04:35] We had, we were blessed with a really great team and that is so important of doctors and providers and you know, we decided to do the bilateral mastectomy and it was not easy not easy to go through at a young age and not thinking you’re going to lose your breasts. But we got through the surgery, had a lot of complications, so ended up losing a lot of skin on one of my breasts, had a blood clot that was fun.
[00:05:11] Yeah, all these things just got thrown at us. You know, not to mention the drains and then your emotional. You know, just, you’re just vulnerable and it is really important for husbands, wives, whatever, caregivers, just to be patient and understanding because this is, it’s life altering. Absolutely.
[00:05:36] Whether you have a lumpectomy or a mastectomy, it just it changes you and it changes your outcome and a lot of those things in a positive way. So, you know we were mad at God, we were mad about, you know, why is this happening to us? You know why I’m so young? Like, you know, breast cancer does run in my family, but this was a hormonal type of breast cancer, so it wasn’t like the BRCA gene.
[00:06:02] So we were, you know, we were mad. And I think it kind of got to the point where our anger turned into through a lot of prayer and and a lot of, you know, conversations. You know, Caleb and I have always been really good talkers. We talk all the time about a lot and that’s, you know.
[00:06:26] Caleb Farris: Being able to communicate.
[00:06:27] Dina Farris: Yeah.
[00:06:28] And, you know, share my vulnerability and what I’m going through and my emotions. You know, whether it’s my physical appearance or my emotional change, it was just a lot. And through those we really kind of came together and realized, you know, we’re, we got to trust God, we got to trust what we’re going through and we’ve got to trust this process.
[00:06:55] This is happening for some reason. And you know, that’s kind of what got me emotionally through all those changes and I think it was kind of at that point we started to come together and have more of a positive outlook on, okay, this has happened. We can’t control it. What are we going to do about it?
[00:07:20] So I had it on my heart to, you know, I want to do something to help, I want to do, it meant a lot to me too you know to try to give back and to help. And I didn’t know at what, at that time, at in what capacity. So I think that positive outlook really helped us get through the day to day.
[00:07:37] Caleb Farris: Absolutely. And I think that, as Dina said there, the control word was, I think, important for us.
[00:07:44] Yeah. It’s a tough pill to swallow when you get that kind of news and you’re just you feel like you’re at the mercy of everybody else and you’re just a rat in a cage in a way. And like Dina said we had a great team and there were along the journey, they were doctors that we did not work well with, and we felt like a number on a sheet and we didn’t stay there long.
[00:08:08] We went to someone else who made Dina feel comfortable and would answer our questions in a appropriate manner. And and we really appreciate those folks that we found our team and to help her through this, but you know, I think that control word is a tough one to swallow. There you don’t have much control and you’re at these appointments and you’re just sort of agging at that mercy of everybody else and you want your, from a spouse perspective, you know, it’s, you’re going through it too.
[00:08:36] And you just want to support your person and be there in any way you can. I think us both understanding that it is outside of our control at this point. Yeah. And we just have to do everything we can within our control to, to help along the situation. And I think that we really took that to heart and, you know, Dina changed diet what was going in her body.
[00:08:59] You know, different things like that just to give her body the best chance to to fight this and heal up and Yeah. And get back to where we want to be health wise for her, of course. And recovery. And so we did everything we could. And then in the end it’s, you know, I’m glad she’s here and happy and healthy and, but it’s just a scary time as Dina said.
[00:09:19] It’s something that you can’t really prepare for. And I think we both consider ourselves very down to earth people in control. You know we. We have our our stuff in a bag, if you will. And when it comes to something like this, it blindsides you. Yeah. And you’re just, you feel like you’re in the wind a little bit.
[00:09:38] Yeah. For a while. And we found a way to move through that together. And another thing Dina mentioned there was us being able to communicate and having that open dialogue, I think that it helped her along. Yeah. From what it sounds like and we’ve talked about. And for me personally, on the other side of it, as a spouse I felt…
[00:09:57] just knowing what was going on with her made me feel a little bit more secure and solid of we’re here together. And we’re trying to move forward with the, on this journey.
[00:10:07] Dina Farris: Yeah.
[00:10:08] Caleb Farris: And, but just being open and honest about how you’re feeling and you’re going to have some really bad days and some days where you know, everything smiles and happy and, but you just got to be able to work through those and communication is such a clutch piece of that.
[00:10:21] Dina Farris: Absolutely. I mean. We thought we were close before. And, you know, before the diagnosis and before our wedding we just, you know, we fell in love and it was, you know, amazing at the beginning. But having a partner go through your diagnosis, to your surgeries, to your healing, to your recovery, and, you know, having that support.
[00:10:48] I mean you just fall in love more and more every day with that person that is understanding and giving and supportive and strong. Not to mention his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer about six months after I was, so he not only had to be strong for me, but he had to be strong for her. And takes a real man to do that.
[00:11:13] And I getting emotional, you know, it’s it wasn’t fair, but, you know cancer has no bounds doesn’t care about your age, your, you know, wealth, your, you know, income status, whatever. And I can, you know, you just really have to be ahead of the game. So, you know prevention.
[00:11:38] You know I’m a big advocate of if you feel something, say something. If something’s not right, just get it checked, because nine times out of 10, it’s, you know, whether it’s benign or everything’s good, we’re just going to rule this out. But in my case, it, you know it wasn’t, and I’m very lucky we got we caught it when we did.
[00:12:00] It’s easy to let things go and not want to get screenings and mammograms and, you know, you just, you really have to do those things to get to get things checked out.
[00:12:11] Caleb Farris: Yeah. And since Dina has started her journey and now we’re on the other side of that, you know, she has worked with a lot of other folks who are starting their journey or in the middle of their journey.
[00:12:23] And I think that was a really important piece as well as, you know, people would come to her and say, Hey I maybe have felt something. What do you think? Kind of like Dina’s the guru here, you know? Yeah. And but I think that. Was part of the blessing there, that she had an opportunity to help other folks along on their journey.
[00:12:42] And I don’t know if we have a number in mind, but there’s a lot of folks that we’ve helped and directed that way to, to go get checked. You know, there’s no reason to let it just flounder out there and worry about it. Let’s go get it checked out. And then if it’s something to deal with, you deal with it at that time.
[00:12:59] And again, we were so blessed to find Dina’s diagnosis on the early side, get that taken care of, and in a way have less worry down the road in her case, you know?
[00:13:08] Dina Farris: Yeah. That, and that was a big thing for me of why we made the decision to have the bilateral mastectomy. And again, it wasn’t an easy one. I just didn’t personally want to be looking over my shoulder, have, having to have radiation or go through chemo.
[00:13:23] And and I don’t regret that decision. And, you know. After multiple revisions and surgeries, I still, you know, feel that it was the best decision for us. And Caleb had touched on the, you know, me being able to be blessed enough to help some people going through their journey. It was cathartic for me, but also super helpful for them.
[00:13:47] So if you’re, you know, if you’re willing and able. You have a friend, you’ve been through cancer and you have a friend that’s, you know, suspect something. Having, being able to be that support system is so helpful and you know, because nobody knows what it’s like unless you’ve been through it, but you know. I think having a strong person through treatment was, I mean, I couldn’t have done it without you.
[00:14:15] Yeah. Couldn’t have done it without you.
[00:14:18] Caleb Farris: I’m glad you didn’t have to do it.
[00:14:19] Yeah. Yeah.
[00:14:22] Dina Farris: So, so we’ll bring it to where we are now. So I’m about three years removed from the diagnosis. And I had, like I said earlier, I had it on my heart that I wanted to do something and. Over like Christmas break, I was talking to my friend who owned a a business and I love thrifting.
[00:14:44] So we decided to combine my love for thrifting and my passion about giving back to Susan G Komen. So in 2023 we did a we did a fundraiser for Susan G Komen at a golf tournament and raised about $10,000, so that was awesome. That was so awesome. Our friends and our community and our family came out and supported and it was just so awesome to see
[00:15:11] you know, everyone out there having a good time and you know, just supporting us and the cause and we’re just really passionate about Yeah. You know, giving back and raising money. So I had it on my heart. I wanted to do something, you know, something more substantial and, you know, long-term. And so we. We created a business called Curated Closet, where we I thrift clothes and sell them, and part of the proceeds at pop-up boutiques part of the proceeds goes to Susan G Komen.
[00:15:44] So. Roping Caleb into that. He was kind of voluntold. He has to be my muscle. But you know..
[00:15:52] Caleb Farris: Just the heavy lifting.
[00:15:53] Dina Farris: That Yeah. Yeah. But you know, after, through survivorship, you know, having a strong caregiver doesn’t end during your recovery. You’re always, it’s always a part of you. But I don’t think it should define you.
[00:16:08] So I, I don’t want to be defined by breast cancer, but it’ll always be a part of us. Yeah. And, you know, having him by my side, supportive through, you know, through the diagnosis, through the recovery, through all those things was just awesome. And I didn’t expect him, you know, to be as caring and understanding and patient as he was.
[00:16:33] But he sure was.
[00:16:35] Caleb Farris: I mean you do that for the person you love, you know and it’s, it was a very tough time and I think that’s an understated way to say it. But. I think that we just grew, again, as Dina said, we were all already so close. We got together during COVID. So I felt like the first year and a half of our relationship was rough, really was like a 10 year normal relationship because we, you know, nobody was working.
[00:17:03] We got to travel, we got to do some things, and we just spent every minute of every day we could together. So we really got to know each other at a deep level early. But I say all that to say that during this process, we just, again, explored different parts of our relationship, the communication piece.
[00:17:18] We always have been great communicators, I feel like and, you know, dealing with a potential issue or anything like that. But being able to find the way to walk through that type of journey, you know, again, we’re getting married, you know, all this craziness is going on, and you know, you’re diagnosed in the middle of that.
[00:17:38] Dina Farris: Yeah.
[00:17:38] Caleb Farris: You know? And how do you. Kind of traverse that territory and the communication piece, I can’t say it enough. It just, it made her feel better and got her through some dark times. Just having someone to talk to and sometimes it’s not communicating is not just with words. A lot of times it was seeing that she was maybe bothered.
[00:17:59] We’re laying on the couch at night watching the show, and I look over and I could just tell what’s going on upstairs And you just reach over and grab her hand.
[00:18:07] Dina Farris: Yeah.
[00:18:07] Caleb Farris: You know.
[00:18:07] Dina Farris: Just being in tune and being there for that person was important for both of us. Yeah. To get through that.
[00:18:15] Adam Walker: Wow. It’s inspiring. Your story is inspiring and, I mean, just amazing. Really. In so many ways. So, so I guess I as a final question a as you know, support comes in lots of different ways for lots of different people. And so Dina, what would you encourage listeners to do to get the support they need and then Caleb for listeners that are support providers, what would you encourage them to do?
[00:18:44] Dina Farris: Sure. I think not being afraid to ask asking for help, whether it’s, you know, let’s say he, your husband’s out of town, you need to be driven to an appointment. Reach out to your friends and family. Don’t be scared to ask for help, you know, and being honest with your feelings and your emotions and transparent with the people who love you
[00:19:08] because so many times we like to hold things in and, you know, be like, I can handle it. I can handle it, but you know, I think reaching out and being transparent and open and really just appreciating the people around you is you know, really important. And those caregivers they deserve a lot too.
[00:19:29] because they’re going through it with you and, you know, there’s a lot of questions going on. How can I help, how can, what’s the right thing to say? What’s the wrong thing to say or do? And just being transparent with people I think is important.
[00:19:41] Adam Walker: So then Caleb, to you, for listeners that are support providers, what would you encourage them to do?
[00:19:48] Caleb Farris: I think that the biggest takeaway that I had, and again, I would encourage other caregivers to, to have, is just to be there. You know we hear stories a more often than we’d like to admit. Just again, through Dina’s new mission here with Curated Closet and the folks that she’s helping along with this journey.
[00:20:07] We hear it pretty often where the partner sort of becomes a recluse. I think that they don’t know what to do in a way. And so my point here is to be there for your partner. And that may look different for every moment. Yeah. You know and I think my biggest thing was just being in tune with her.
[00:20:27] We’ve always been very close and we always kind of joke that we have this little little mental connection where we’re thinking about the same thing, or we’ll say the same thing at the same time, but. All jokes aside. I mean, just being in tune with your partner, you know and being there for them.
[00:20:42] And again, it wasn’t always a sit down conversation about a, an issue that we were dealing with. It, a lot of times that communicative piece is just being there physically, and it might be a touch when you can just tell that something’s on her mind.
[00:20:58] Dina Farris: Yeah.
[00:20:58] Caleb Farris: That leads to her being able to open up a little bit more and get her feelings off her chest to you.
[00:21:06] And I think that’s a big part of our role as the spouse, as the caregiver in that situation. Your person’s already carrying so much. I looked at it as what part of the load could I carry? You know what can be on my shoulders? And yeah, that I was trying not to get all choked up, but that was big for me, you know, is..
[00:21:28] Adam Walker: Yeah.
[00:21:29] Caleb Farris: Here’s my wife going through this and having this tough time and dealing with all these things. Like, what can I do other than just sit here on the couch with her, you know, can I talk to her? Can I do some small things around the house? Can I, whatever it is, guys it’s not a perfect formula, you know, and I’m not perfect by any means.
[00:21:47] It’s just doing something to be there for your person and letting them know that you’re there. They’re not going through it alone.
[00:21:54] Adam Walker: Love that. Love that. Well, you both are genuinely inspirational and I really, I just appreciate you sharing your story with this community, and I know it’s going to help so many people.
[00:22:06] So Dina and Caleb, thank you for joining us on the show today.
[00:22:09] Dina Farris: Thank you.
[00:22:10] Caleb Farris: Adam. Thank you.
[00:22:17] Adam Walker: Thanks for listening to Real Pink, a weekly podcast by Susan G Komen. For more episodes, visit real pink.Komen.org. And for more on breast cancer, visit Komen.org. Make sure to check out at Susan G Komen on social media. I’m your host, Adam. You can find me on Twitter at AJ Walker or on my blog adam j walker.com.